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Sweet Dreams Baby

I must say, it feels ever so hypocritical to have just finished writing a blog about marketers preying on our vanity and infusing our subconscious with insecurities about our bodies, and now I'm sharing mine with you-my body and my insecurities!

This picture truly depresses me. But, I must thank all of you that said "You look great, for your age!" That is just another reason for me to do what I'm doing as that comment clearly says that someone of my age should not look as good as I do (in this picture? Yikes!!!) where I look like something the cat drug in. So, I have stuck to my plan with eyes focused on the goal. Yesterday was a definite test of my resolve. Here's why:

3:45 am: Alarm went off. Out the door half asleep, praying I didn't forget anything.

5:15 am to 9:59 am: Completion of trade show set-up.

10 am to 8:30 pm: Work show for 10 1/2 hours (remember: no formal breaks OF ANY SORT)

9:10 pm: Gym

Okay, so where is the test? Let me back up a little. I fell asleep the previous night around 12:45 am (I stayed up late working on 501C3 paperwork for The Square Project). Dragging my butt out of bed and operating on 3 hours of sleep for over 15 hours of work was fairly easy and I felt good all day long so I did go to the gym for an intended hour of cardio. I started to feel the fingers of sleep reaching for me as I was en route but I ignored it. I stepped up to the Elliptical trainer, climbed aboard and began. I had such a burst of (short-lived) energy that rapidly disintegrated into interval training. I am referring to intervals of the mental sort: 3 minutes of 'Yes, I can do this!" followed by 5 minutes of "Holy crap, what the hell am I doing here?" followed by 4 minutes of "I didn't realize one could fall asleep doing cardio!" I made it through 43 minutes, 24 seconds of Elliptical, then walked around the gym to check out the offerings (this is a new LA Fitness location for me). No, I am not talking about hot guys! I mean equipment and I know I made mental notes but this inner dialogue started to pull me in another direction. All very negative (I hate Matrix equipment, this gym is so far from my hotel and work, can't I just take some time off, my legs are still so fat, blah, blah, blah) and all very draining!

Driving to the hotel, I had to make one more stop for some groceries. Super Target was supposed to be open till 11:00 pm but it wasn't a Super Target and it was closed; great! The only place that carries the burritos I eat during trade show work. Too tired to make another stop to forage for an alternative and I wonder momentarily what I will do for lunch/dinner tomorrow though too tired to truly care. Was starving so I ate a protein bar (wasn't going to, I was just going to finish Green Smoothie). Got to the hotel and had a little binge - opened the refrigerator and saw carrots and said to self "Yum, carrots" and noshed on one while I considered what else I could scarf down and went with 3 spoonfuls of Fage 2% Plain Yogurt. I was feeling frustrated that I have been working so hard, thinking of the After photos to be done in 2 weeks, and concerned that I won't be in the shape I hoped to be in by then and a few 'excuses' popped into mind: If I just wasn't dealing with 2 torn ACL's and one torn hamstring, I could push myself much harder and get better results. I turned to look in the full-length mirror and oh, hello! My adductor (specifically Gracilis) muscle made an appearance and got me re-focused! It was like seeing the groundhog venture out to survey the scene! Hello back and awesome to see you after sooooo long away! Then I turned to the rear for some inspection and noticed that when I flexed my glutes (this is amazing to me as I believed they had moved away), I had to clench really hard before I saw any dimples appear! I have arse muscles! This made everything alright with the world again and just like that, I was back on track and my interval training reverted to slow and steady, stay the course, be patient and never stop loving yourself. I am still a champion but dang, even champions need sleep and sweet dreams!


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