I Could Have Been a Happy Idiot
If blushing can make a whore appear virtuous, however momentarily, could not knowing the reality of my measurements make me feel thinner? Today is the big unveiling and as promised, my weight and measurements will be posted along with the photos (on 3/17/2016). I was so excited this morning and jumped out of bed, ready to face the music! I thought I would be hearing the strains of We Are The Champions but no, instead - it was a soulful refrain from Is That All There Is? when the tape measure delivered very discouraging results. How can it be that all my clothes are so loose, yet I have gained 2 lbs. and some of my measurements have gone up?! You see, I know the logic behind these changes and really? I'm absolutely fine with it! But there was that few minutes when I was so bothered by numbers, numbers that don't change what I've accomplished or how I look but proof that the whole psychology behind them packed a powerful one-two, followed up with a sneaky left-hook, leaving me TKO'd for a full ten-count.
For a few minutes, I pondered: Should I have stacked my pre-workout C4 with BCAA's, perhaps a shooter of Arachidonic Acid, along with a nitric oxide enhancer, Nutrex Lipo 6 and a dose of Ergolean? Perhaps a more focused approach to whey and casein especially on training days? What about how I trained - was it enough, should I have been more vicious in my approach (I left grueling behind a LONG time ago), should I have done more cardio - and what about the lack of sleep I had to deal with? Up 15 minutes by this point and already worn out from the noise in my head! This is why I should have just gone by my instincts and checked the mirror - the only completely honest source I know, LOL...I fought feelings of failure and frustration and the alter-ego that wants to have its cake and eat it too (literally) because there she was saying, "Oh heck, 5 months of being good (well, except for those 3 cheat episodes...) and all I've got to show for it is a few sixteenths of an inch lost! You deserve some comfort food!" Argghh, biotch - go away! Who asked you to start a pity party? And herein lies my greatest success since starting - that inner voice, the nagging little comments trying to get the right buttons pushed that will turn this into an All Systems Go for cookie-comforting, she has been silenced by my inner warrior who has become stronger for once. You should have seen the surprised look on A.E.'s (Alter Ego) face! And might I add, a bit scared as well! That's right - you better run!
I went to the gym and had a little pump session for my photo shoot and then off to Valerie of Organik Tan for my first ever spray tan. What an amazing job she did and if you are in the Ft. Lauderdale area and would like to have a paint job, give her a call: (949) 357-6171. I am now ready for lights, camera, flex-tion!
So, what's in a number? It's not like I'm ever going to wear it around my neck for the world to see, and besides - it would just get in the way of my big SW (Super Woman, what else?) emblem. I am going to keep going until I reach my goal and I wont be bothered ever again by the mile markers on the roadside. I know how to get where I'm going and I don't need to have my progress towards that goal validated by an outside numerical source that is affected by a host of variables, some beyond my control. I will trust my judgment as to when I am in the right place and not be bothered by a measuring system that only serves to weigh down my resolve with decimal points that are absolutely pointless!