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Hello There-Slow Going?

Well, yes-it has been slow going, thanks for asking Inigo (Princess Bride fans know this scene). It isn't exactly as easy as it looks! For those following my blog, so sorry not to have written for a while! I haven't fallen off the wagon, in fact-I'm staying strong and focused on the goal. There's been no cheat-eating and still no desire to binge. But, sleep has been a real issue and I am exhausted. During my last show, I think I managed to get a max of 3 hours of sleep per night. I didn't miss a single work-out and I didn't lose any intensity during training. I take melatonin, don't drink anything caffeinated after 4 pm, my hotel was super quiet and the bed and pillows oh-so-comfy. I owe the lack of z's to menopause and severe pain from carpal tunnel syndrome. The sleepless nights left me with no creative energy to write. Sorry!

Traveling does put me in a different gym a couple times a month and lots of new people have come and asked me if I am a competitor. That's pretty cool! I do want to compete and hope to do Women's Figure. There are a couple shows here in the Ft. Lauderdale area in July that I will go check out to get a better idea if this is for me. And of course, my body has to agree! As I am getting leaner, the tear in my hamstring is becoming more pronounced along with some scary large veins in my inner thighs that truly creep me out. I've been getting advice from pro-card holders and I am amazed at all that goes into getting stage-ready. Though it's pretty exciting that lots of folks are approaching me, asking what I eat and how I train, honestly-this is all new to me. And while the focus is on my body, I was taken by the change in my face since last October. Check the photo below from 1/01/2016:

Now compare to the photo taken on 4/22/2016, my 56th birthday:

Granted, the vantage point is not the same, I am wearing a wig, the lighting is different as was my paint job, lol. And, neither of these photos are very complimentary as I still seem a bit flustered in a bikini in front of a camera and must learn how to smile while flexing muscles. But, there is something there beyond the weight loss. Can you see it? It is the Inner Light of Freedom from compulsive behaviors, the ones that kept me going back to yo-yo dieting and sugar addiction. Update: 7 months of mindful eating and still only 6 cheat-eat days. This is like the Eighth Wonder of The World to me!

Still, I am constantly asked "How did you lose the weight?" and "What did/do you eat?" I've posted some of my favorite recipes and continue to update this section (see 'Fierce Resources-Diet/Recipes'). This is what I've been eating! Honestly! If I can do this, anyone can. Most people are just dealing with being lazy in changing their habits. I've been dealing with over 40 years of eating disorders, from bulimia to food addiction to over-eating to binge eating. Hell of a segue, right? If I could somehow prescription the exact remedy for overcoming this HUGE hurdle, I'd be a gazillionaire. Since I've already covered this in my blog, I don't want to bore by rehashing but I did have to hit bottom before I was able to rise up. The 'BOTTOM' prompted me to chronicle this journey and that is what FiftyFierce is here for-to inspire others to become better. For me, it was envisioning the moment of my death, a dream so real it left me dumbfounded yet it still took months of thinking about it to spur me to action. But spur me it did and that is what is important: that you don't give up! Over the last 40 years, I've never held my weight constant and it's been all over the scale-up 10 lbs., down 15, up 5, down 3, up 20 and so on, constantly changing from day-to-day, 14,600 + days of insanity. I had 'good' periods but they always hung by a thread, teetering precariously on the thresh-hold of the next excuse to blow my resolve and go back to bingeing. I worked hard in the gym but I never truly worked hard on my mental muscle where all the trouble really was.

I find it interesting that I am also getting attention from HATERS-women who sneer as they pass me, obviously bothered (why?) by my outer appearance. I try to put an energy out as they pass that goes like this: Sister, don't be that way. You have no idea what hell I've walked through. If you want the same thing, why don't you approach me and talk to me? I could be your biggest cheerleader in helping you accomplish your goals. And though I don't know you, I would do it just to help you.

We are at our best when love is in our hearts and we possess an attitude full of compassion and care for others. If you are just beginning your transformation, don't be afraid to reach out and ask those who inspire you and that you admire for help. There are those that will delight in your success as much as their own. Just remember that you are an individual and you still must find your own way, tailoring your journey to what works for you (part of why I don't launch into a discussion about what I eat when asked-it works for me, might not be what you want to eat and quite frankly, it's a boring discussion!)

And finally-it will be slow going. Patience is the #1 asset you must possess in your journey to become better. Time is going to pass one way or the other-why not take small steps that will equal big success? Small steps don't hurt too much and before you know it, you'll be speed walking. Remember the Tortoise and the Hare-slow and steady wins the race!

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